To Friends and Lovers Lost

hourglass

How are you doing with your adult scene?

I’m flunking out: I’m in my hot study with no AC on

Because I’ve run out of batteries for the remote

And I must sleep soon but I was sorting

My cupboards with a new friend in tow

Because I’ve misplaced something precious

And I’m still on the side of hope about finding it.

 

And I’m still writing poems that don’t rhyme

Thinking that maybe it reads like Bukowski

Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t

But I don’t care because this is one

That needs to be written

And since I’ve flunked out the other stuff

I better do this one before I call it a day today. Continue reading

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It’s not a haiku‏

A cloud moved across
The moon's face:
You might not love me.
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I figured it out. Well, some of it!

I figured it out today
Somewhere between
an unanswered call
(my brother)
And one that was
(a best friend)

And getting dressed
(for summer)
and dashing off
(first to the pharmacy)
I figured it out
(but did not get cat food today!)

 

 

I figured out
that messed up feeling
That feeling of
being fucked up
It’s the loss of hope
That we will ever be able to
crawl out of the hole
We have dug ourselves into

Or one that we fell into
Because of fate
Because of Karma
Because of genetics
Because of our unruly hearts
Because of a past life never remembered
Because God wants it so
Because it is a lesson
Because it is a penance
Because the fucking wound is the gift. Continue reading

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Brothers in Arms

Cat put on so much weight and so gradually that it dawned on me slowly and with a gentle horror: the poor guy had become downright obese. It could be the surgery. The vet confirmed that happened sometimes. Or it could just be reaction to stress and he is a rather sensitive guy. Our little universe had turned upside down and it takes time to recover from devastation. Both Cat and I had been scared in different ways and both of us put on weight. Another layer of fat, for protection, to hide in.

Srimati, the daily lady, had taken to calling him Motta (Fat). And then recently I noticed that he was slimming down and had become a tad more approachable. What had changed? For one, we were starting to get used to a home without Titu and with two new housemates: Zooey and Moti. Our little nuclear set up had settled down to a new configuration and we had both started to heal. Continue reading

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My Unlikely Knight

Image

 

It was so unexpected

I didn’t understand

That you had offered to slay

A dragon or two for me

If I ever needed it. Continue reading

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Aqua

One day you will fade

Into a sea of blues

and whites and grays

But not today. Today,

I know you wore aqua.

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Sons, Husbands, and Lovers

My two male cats are the closest I have come to being mother of sons. One of them is still in his boyhood and the other one is well into his manhood. It was when I was cuddling the little one, inhaling his sweet kitten smell, that I though: The only time we can love males in all their innocence and with their open vulnerability is when they are still our young sons. After that they are lost to us. After that, so many of them are just lost.

I usually worry about the fate of our daughters on this planet. Some countries are very liberal towards their women and some countries are on the other end of the spectrum and very harsh and repressive. (As if the right to freedom is a dispensation that should ever be governed by others). But the safety of women is at risk everywhere. All this and contending with air-brushed faces in magazines and the modern urge to be slim, slim, slim…

But this article is primarily about men. I see what life does to our men and it’s equally a cause for concern. How does the little boy who sleeps in his mother’s protective embrace, who follows her around the house, who begs to be allowed to make a roti become a man who won’t connect with women, who will see them as a score on his bedpost, who will in so many ways brutalize them? Continue reading

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